MY CHILD / SELMA FLYNN BOBBO.MERORY-OF.COM (FRIEND)
On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide, I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious child, Close
Almost a year / Mum (Mum)
Hi Matt, I cant believe its almost a year since you got your wings,it seems so long ago that I last saw you, and yet the pain of that is still so hard that it feels like yesterday. I see the children from your class at school, they are growing so big and it reminds me that to me you will always be four, you wont grow up the way they will and that hurts too. I know you aren't missing out on anything but Im missing out on you, the whole world is missing a special person. I should have know you were too perfect for this place and yet I only ever thought how lucky I was to have you. People see me doing 'every day' things and think I am 'cured', they think Ive forgotten or stopped hurting but I havent and I never will. I am just learning to wear the mask that all angel mums seem to be given. The mask that hides whats going on inside. I will be round at your special garden later to change your flowers, red or maybe yellow for you and pink for your big sister, this isnt how its supposed to be. Forever in my heart and mind Your VERY PROUD mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Close
Just to let you know that I am thinking of you all as the next month approaches. Sending you lots of love and hugs...and I know that Matthew and Victoria will both be watching over you and wishing upon you lots of love and strength to get through that day.
To my little girl / Mum Of Two Hi pretty little lady, Happy Angel Day sweetheart, I hoped you liked the balloons and cards we sent for you, did they get to Heaven ok? I've been thinking so much today (as I do every year) about how for the whole day I really thought you were going to be ok, this is the eigth year Ive done it yet now so much has changed again. Now you have your little brother to look after and keep you company. I hope hes being a good boy for you, are you both making mischief? My life will never be 'right' again, I should have you both here with me but I cant have that, I know you are both close and until God calls me Home I will have to wait. One day we'll all be together. Until then, my love always to you both. Big hugs and kisses Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxClose
Remembering Victoria / Funda Sibels Mummy
Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you Sarah and Victoria, who never made it into this world, but came to love you nonetheless.
Somewhere today, in Heaven, Victoria will be made centre of attention as all the Angels celebrate her special birthday ~ the day she entered those Gates of Paradise. She will be looking down at you all and send you some love and strength to get through the day, I am sure.
I know how painful this grief is....it never goes away....and your heart is aching for your angels.....but there will be a day when we will be with them again, of that I am sure.
God bless, be kind to yourself. May Matthews and Victoria's Heavenly light continue to light up your dark days xxx
Please don't mourn for me I'm still here, though you don't see I'm right by your side each night and day And within your heart I long to stay My body is gone but I'm always near I'm everything you feel, see or hear My spirit is free, but I'll never depart As long as you keep me alive in your heart I'll never wander out of your sight I'm the brightest star on a summer night I'll never be beyond your reach I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around And the pure white snow that blankets the ground I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond The clear cool water in a quiet pond I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in spring The first warm raindrop that April will bring I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine When you start thinking there's no one to love you You can talk to me through the Lord above you I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep I'm the smile you see on a baby's face Just look for me, I'm everyplace...
Prayer of strength / Funda Sibels Mum
I think of you so often....as Matthew's Angel day is on my birthday and he is the same age as Sibel, my Daughter, when she went to Heaven. The pain hasn't eased for me, I have just learnt to live with this pain in my heart and darkness in my life. People assume that because they see you smile, or even laugh, or function in any way that you are returning to "normal" but our life can never be normal again.
"Sometimes when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated" Author ~ Alphonse de Lamartine
I just wanted to let you know that far away from where you are, is a stranger who thinks about you often and wonders how you are and sends God a silent prayer for you, to give you the strength to face another day without our beautiful children in our life here on Earth. God bless x Love to all our angels x Close
What kind of place would heaven be With all its streets of gold, If all the souls, that dwell up there Like yours and mine, were old? How strange would heaven's music sound When harps begin to ring. If children were not gathered 'round To help the angels sing. The children that God sends to us Are only just a loan, He knows we need their sunshine To make the house a home. We need the inspiration of A baby's blessed smile. He doesn't say they've come to stay Just lends them for a while. Sometimes it takes them years to do The work for which they come, Sometimes in just a month or two Our Father calls them home. I like to think some souls up there Bear not one sinful scar. I love to think of heaven as A place where children are.
Today had been so hard, one of the worst days I’ve had in a while, I was just so tearful and for some reason I kept thinking about your funeral and then I’d go through the questions that I know will never be answered, the ‘how did this happen?’ ‘why did it happen?’ ‘why us? Why our family?’ ‘Why a baby who was so full of life and just starting out?’
It all seems so unfair and so damn painful and then came the familiar feelings that I have to try so hard to fight, the feelings of wanting to join you. The knowledge (and belief) that you no longer needs me to look after you doesn’t help, its my job to look after you and that’s what I want to do on days like this.
Anyway, I started to fight the feelings and thoughts and continued to do so all day, I just kept busy despite feeling exhausted from lack of sleep. On days like this I often thing if only I could have one last hug with you, one last kiss, just five minutes more, yet I know that I cant have that. Other grieving mums have asked me if you have visited me in my dreams and I’ve had to say ‘no’. Since your death I have only had nightmares, usually they entail me turning you over as I did ‘that morning’ and seeing your face.
Back to today and evening came, I stayed busy all evening too and when Joshua and Charlotte went to bed I edited your website, something I haven’t felt able to do in a long time. I added a couple of new poems that I’d found and looked at a couple of the pictures. Then I decided to try to sleep, I opened the door at the bottom of the stairs and as I did a bright light flew past me. I smiled and said “I’ve just seen your angel light, thank you”. I got into bed and continued to read a book by John Edward a well known psychic medium. The part I read was about him learning the lesson that he preaches to those who come for a reading, ‘don’t expect one person to come through, don’t expect a certain message, just appreciate and validate the messages you do get’. In the book he tells of how he made a deal with his mother shortly before she passed over, they agreed on three points that she would make to prove it was her. Over time his mum came through with various messages and visited him in his dreams but it took nine years for her to say the words he wanted to hear, the words that they had agreed on. It was only when he had accepted that she would say those words when she was ready and that he had to stop trying and hoping too much that she gave him what he wanted.
This led me to think of my own situation, I go to the spiritualist church every week and I am not disappointed when you arn’t ‘there’ but I suppose if I’m honest, deep down I hope every week that you will come through for us. Maybe that was one of my lessons too – patience. I had to stop trying and wishing so hard.
You'd visit when you were ready and not before and no amount of impatience would speed up that process, if anything it would slow it down and those were my thoughts as I said “Night Angel” as I always do and drifted off to sleep.
I woke approximately twenty minutes later knowing that I’d had five more minutes with you, I’d had a hug and a kiss and if felt wonderful but mind blowing. After a few seconds I realised that my heart was pounding so fast and I decided to come down for a drink. It was when I tried to get up that I wondered if you had come to me, or if I came to you. I was so disorientated, slightly dizzy and shake but not if that makes sense. I came down and went to make a cup of tea, it felt like my co-ordination had gone, I was banging into things and banged the tea spoon and then the cup as I tried to judge where they needed to be. It was a very strange feeling that I have never encountered before.
Ok back to the dream, I was in a house, one I didn’t recognise but felt at home in, without leaving the one room I was in, I knew this house towered so high into the sky. You were sat at a table with your back to me and as I walked towards you you turned and smiled, you didn’t say anything, just looked at me with a smile (not the cheeky grin I remembered). I picked you up and held you close to me, wrapping my arms around you as tight as I could and in ‘my dream’ I was thinking that I couldn’t believe you were here again. Still holding you I moved my head back so that I could see you and I asked could I please have a kiss, you spoke then, the one and only time you spoke and you said “Not a sloppy one”, I smiled at you and remember ‘thinking’ you havn’t changed and I said “no, not a sloppy one” and I kissed you.
That’s when I woke up, believing that when I realised that I had to be patient, I’d learnt that lesson at least and I could have my ‘One last time’.
Matt drew this 'house' shortly before he got his wings
Those of us who have traveled awhile Along this path called grief Need to stop and remember that mile, The first mile of no relief. It wasn't the person with answers, Who told us the ways to deal. It wasn't the one who talked and talked That helped us start to heal. Think of friends who quietly sat And held our hands in theirs, The ones who let us talk and talk And hugged away our tears. We need to always remember That, more than the words we speak, It's the gift of someone who listens That most of us desperately seek.
Just wanted to let you know you have touched my heart and thank you, always on my mind, in my thoughts, and prayers. Close
Why/ Amy (Freya's Mummy )
WHY is a word we often say. WHY did our child have to get meningitis? WHY did the most precious thing in our lives be snatched away from us? These questions will never be answered. Life just isn't fair but one day we will be with our babies again but untill then Matthew and Freya will be holding hands in heaven and i'm sure Matthew is making Freya laugh as she always liked a giggle.
"I'll lend to you for a little time A child of Mine" he said, "For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty two (one) or three: but will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his CHARMS to gladden you and should his stay be brief, you'll have his loving memories as solace for your grief.
I cant not promise he will stay, since all from earth return, but there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn, I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true and from all the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected YOU. Now will you give him all your love, not think the labor vain, nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?"
I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, They will be done. For all the joy this child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness. We'll love him while we may, and for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay; But should the angels call for him sooner than we've planned We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and TRY to understand."
You son is such a beautiful child, I bet heaven is even more wonderful with him apart of it.
“When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me. I want no nights in a gloom – filled room, why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little but not too long, and not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared, miss me… but let me go. For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It’s all a part of the Masters plan, a step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds, miss me… but let me go”